Anxiety eating

Well, there they were…. duhduhduhhhhhh!!!! The TIMBITS! It felt like they were staring at me, begging me to eat them… I had bought them as a treat for my daughters since we were going for a fairly long ride in the car, but it was all I could do to stay out of them myself. I’m fairly addicted to them, you see. I’ll buy them “for my daughters” and then see one I like, then another, then another… then oops… 7+ of those damn little sugarbombs later I realize that I just botched my whole day.

But today, today was a new experience. I left them alone… not out of my mind, because it was hard to resist them as they sat on the seat next to me. But I did it. It’s at moments like these that I notice unhealthy thoughts begin popping into my head, like “if I could just eat it, then throw it up…” I’m glad that these thoughts still sound totally ridiculous to me though, otherwise, I would have a problem. Really, I hate throwing up… with a passion, so thankfully I could never do it just so I could eat a timbit, lol. I just wanted you guys to know that you’re not the only ones who’s heads get filled with craziness when temptation is only a small arms-length away, however, it’s not really the reason I decided to write this post.

The real reason, is because after that… after I had fended off the urge to eat them, I ended up in a situation where I was told that I had made a mistake, a simple mistake anyone could’ve made, and the guy I was speaking to shrugged it off. No biggie… so you’d think that it wouldn’t amount to anything, right? Wrong. You see, I’m incredibly shy, so any interaction when I find out I’ve made a mistake can be really awkward for me, so I worry about it. The second I got back into my car… I found myself reaching for my second timbit. Yup… second. This was such a “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?” moment that I almost couldn’t believe it. I honestly don’t remember eating the first one, I remember finishing it… but I didn’t even really get to taste or savour it! What a bummer!! It sucked, I was annoyed that it had been SUCH an automatic reaction that I didn’t notice until it was too late, I felt terrible and guilty… which would usually end with me eating MORE timbits, compounding my problem. This time, however, I put the second timbit back. I was actually able to fully acknowledge what I had done, and although I couldn’t reverse my decision, I was able to prevent further damage to my day. This is something I need to keep reminding myself of… everyone makes mistakes and slips up, but you can’t get down on yourself ans make ir worse. Make a conscious decision to stop doing these unhealthy habits and really work at it.

We can do this together! If I can, you can.

Thanks for reading!

Barb

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